This last weekend I was a student in Rob Leatham and Mike Seeklander’s “The Bigger Circle” handgun training course at the Casa Grande Law Enforcement Range.
I’ve been through a few of Rob’s courses and always pick up a multitude of worthwhile nuggets, besides, his irreverent, wild humor rivals mine and I truly enjoy being around people who also live life to its fullest without constrictive rigidity.
Mike’s seemingly rigid Leatherneckness really isn’t; he’s a tough former Marine with a heart of gold, with the thinking and shooting skills to back it all up, all with a wickedly dry sense of humor and correctness that one might mistake him for a too-serious man, yet I suspect he’s really a tough teddy bear under it all.
Rob Leatham is the greatest shooter to have ever walked the face of the earth, bar none, and Mike Seeklander is the second greatest shooter to have ever walked the face of the earth…to my understanding. They both like to fight about who’s better, which appeals to my way of thinking; one has the provable track record and the other just knows he’s better, and it’s a lot of fun to watch their competitive, ribbing, brutal nature warriors should always engage in.
Both are incredible men and shooters whom I look up to immensely. This was only my second class with Mike and my fourth with Rob, with each of those training classes being three days long. I’ve followed Mike casually on his LiveFire sessions he often offers and I occasionally run into Rob at my (now) home range of Rio Salado in Mesa, AZ.
While being a student this weekend – as an instructor myself, I’m always a student and am proud everyone within Defenders USA is low in ego and willing to be a student and fail forward if need be – I ran into an acquaintance I’d rather now call a friend.
Let’s call this guy “Jeff”. That may or may not be his name but it fits enough that let’s sorta pretend that’s actually his name.
Jeff was also a student in this class. I’ve met Jeff in two other classes, one with Scott Jedlinski and A. J. Zito of Modern Samurai Project and another with Rob Leatham and world-class hand-to-hand & knife fighting expert Steve Tarani’s class called “Hand To Gun”, which is both a shooting class and a close quarters non-gun, knife, and gun protection class they occasionally teach together.
In both, I was impressed with Jeff’s shooting and who he is as a person. Jeff is an executive level chef, managing multiple crews of highly trained chefs who cook for some of the wealthiest people in the world and in the AZ areas. He is an incredible person and a shooter whom I have a hard time keeping up with and beating in the training courses we’ve just happened to coincidentally both attend.
I haven’t seen Jeff in over a year, possibly two, so I was pleasantly surprised to see him in this last weekend’s course with Rob Leatham and Mike Seeklander at the Casa Grande class.
I admire the guy and he’s a shooter who makes me work harder, and there aren’t many of his shooting skill level in some of the gun courses I get to attend as a student, so it good to shoot with him.
As soon as I saw him, I knew my work was cut out for me to kick his tail and sometimes that freak just wouldn’t let me. Highly competitive people are my people and we all want ALL the marbles. Doom on all others. If you aren’t here to win as much as I am, then, respectfully, screw you. Respect if you show up with the intent to beat me…and you better bring a lunch while you try.
Anyway, Jeff had shown up to play. That freak always brings his A game, proving chefs ain’t weenies and Jeff isn’t, so he came in hot and I planned on crushing him while enjoying his company and growing a respectful friendship with him.
Throughout Training Day 1 (TD1) and Training Day 2 (TD2), something stood out. Jeff was a bit slow and choppy on his draw stroke, with a slow down and an almost pause when his hands would join together in the draw stroke presentation from his open carry, competition holster. That in itself was odd.
The dude is lighting fast, or at least he has been when I’ve been around him in the past, so his draw seemed strange.
I noticed his draw stroke really slowed down, almost geriatric-ally, from the moment his hands came together and in the push out towards the target and he would almost hesitate as the trigger would break.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I was all for it, especially from a guy who has been A LOT faster in previous encounters. Be slow. I enjoy beating slothfully slow people. You want to be slow(?!)…go ahead…’cause, I’m gonna beat you like a redheaded step-child. I love winning. I beat a lot of people, have even rarely against those considered world-class…and am working to beat A LOT more as my skills keep growing…but it was odd.
Jeff and I exchanged some small talk over the first two days whenever we found time between listening to Rob and Mike expound on shooting wisdoms and watching their demonstrations.
As I listened, I learned. Jeff almost didn’t make it a year ago. He had some serious health problems and had been admitted to a hospital. He’d actually died five times and had been brought back through God’s grace and the miracle of modern medicine…and had ended up in a coma in the hospital for months.
He was on heavy duty medications and had only shot a few times in the last several months over the last year leading up to this class…and had only dry fired a little bit (dry fire is life, but the way, for you dry fire slackers) since coming out of his coma.
He wisely sat out several portions of Rob and Mike’s class due to the intensity of the training and his current medical condition. I watched him as he practiced on the sidelines while the rest of us were moving fast and shooting and I noticed how slow the last half of his draw stroke was compared to the first portion.
Now, I hate that guy at the gym who just has to come up and tell you how to do things better. No one likes that guy…or the person who just has to smugly and self-righteously come up without any invitation at all to tell you what you are doing wrong and how you need to be more like them to do better – whatever it is.
I’m always a student and can learn from the many under-skilled, overly smug idiots out there (usually what not to do) but genuinely try to stay completely and fully open to those who are clearly waaaay more skilled than I and whom are willing and kind enough to be of a help. Those people are the best in spirit and I would love to know as many of them as possible. Please, master, take me under your expert wing, please teach me…
Anyone who is a better shooter, tactician, leader, businessman, fitness guru, spiritual leader, etc., please, please, please feel free to approach me with ALL your sage advice…as long as you actually are really, really good at what you do and can prove it…believe me, I’ll pick the peanuts out of whatever poo might be there…
Now, I really hate approaching people with advice who aren’t purposefully in my own training classes. If you’ve signed up for one of my classes, then great, you’ll get everything I can give you, but if not, I usually won’t offer advice. Or, if it’s about matter of life, unless specifically asked, I generally keep my own counsel…as very few people enjoy being approached with unsolicited suggestions.
So, there was an internal struggle as I watched Jeff. I could see where a few tiny improvements were needed. He’s a shooter so it wasn’t much but enough so that one or two small things would make a huge difference for a shooter like him.
I kept struggling with the thought of being “that guy”, of offering unsolicited advice, that “gym bro” who really just needs his head bopped with a kettlebell. Those people drive us all nuts (right?) but I finally convinced myself Jeff and I had just enough of a relationship that maybe, just maybe I could approach him with a tidbit or two and maybe he wouldn’t be too mad about it.
Besides, what’s was he gonna do, send me back to Iraq? And, due to his current physical condition compared to mine, I could certainly out run him if I had to…if he didn’t draw his handgun…’cause if he drew down on me, I was going to die a painful, albeit an innocent death…
On the third day, while he was practicing off to the side while the rest of us were doing some intensive shooting, I approached him when I had a short break. I watched him for a bit, confirming what was needed, and approached as he was holstering.
The words at the time escape me but I asked if he’d be willing to hear a suggestion or two, telling Jeff I’d been observing his practice and his shooting over the last several days and noticed where there might a small thing or two that might help. I apologized if it came across as “that guy at the gym” and didn’t mean for it to be that way and only wanted to help.
Jeff was instantly open. He said he’d love to hear whatever might help and he listened as I quickly explained. I ended with a quick reassurance it wasn’t meant badly and only had wanted to help.
He watched me with open eyes and said he appreciated the advice and would try out the small suggestion. I had to get back to my own shooting lane, as it was my turn back on the line, so I quickly left and dismissed it from my mind.
A short time later, I was shooting some crazy Leatham / Seeklander drill and doing decently well when I noted Jeff was standing back and watching. Now, there was two other students in that class that stood out to me, with Jeff and a “retired” LEO and USPSA Grandmaster who is a baller shooter out of Tennessee.
As I finished up and ceded my spot off the line to someone else, Jeff came up and explained he had two things he’d been working on that just hadn’t been working for him ever since coming out of his coma.
He’d just attended a rather well known training class the previous weekend and was in this one…but he still hadn’t figure out how to fix those two specific things. He explained he had been off to the side trying to figure out how to fix those two things when I’d approached…and that he’d tried what had been suggested…and it immediately fixed both things he’d been puzzling over for the last several months.
Jeff was kind and gracious as he thanked me and I felt relief. When I’d first seen him standing behind me with that typical Jeff-serious look on his face, I wondered if I’d somehow made things worse for him with small suggestions. I was actually kinda worried…the last thing I want to do is mess up a good shooter with bad advice.
Here’s the point:
If you are (honestly) good to expert at something, AND you see someone could use some help, AND if you’ve established enough of a genuine relationship with them previously so they won’t think for a moment that you’re just “that dude at the gym”, don’t hesitate to step up to help. Without a prior relationship, this likely doesn’t work well, if at all.
I let some fear of offering unsolicited advice stop me from helping an acquaintance (friend?) with a struggle he was facing for two days – TWO FULL DAYS – before finally growing enough of a pair to approach him with a suggestion on the third day. I had no idea of the struggle internally for Jeff…but maybe if I’d spent a little more time with him, it would have been sussed out sooner.
Jeff was so open to the help…as I am when I’m struggling with something that seems complex. We too often let ourselves struggle without asking others for help, and we too often see others struggle in areas we could help and don’t offer to help.
Jeff immediately accepted the help…and he was gracious after…and it felt good to have been of a benefit to a friend and a man I admire…
It was a reminder to be like Jeff. To be open to help from those who know.
Be willing to help, especially if you are skilled in that area and can see and help at the nuance level. If they refuse, then okay, no worries. The world is full of people who believe they know more and are more skilled than they truly are, and they will never be convinced otherwise. Wisely move on.
People who aren’t open will certainly let you know; those who are open will make it abundantly clear they appreciate your help when it is offered. They are the ones who deserve your help and are the kind of people you want to help…and who may even be willing to help in return when your day of struggle comes as well.
Be willing to listen to others who know. The diligent experience of expertise through others is a boon for you as well, as experts rarely horde their knowledge and talents to themselves. Those who have become quite good as something, even expert, tend to have a larger love for their fellow seekers of the same endeavors and truly want to help those who earnestly seek the same knowledge or skill. The communal love within endeavors grows others and also benefits those who get to give; selflessness has its own prize through the joy of experiencing growth in other budding practitioners.
Even the highly-skilled – such as Jeff – can experience small hang ups that translate to a huge loss and being willing to explore the why’s behind it all and being willing to listen to other skilled practitioners can bring unexpected break throughs.
If you’re the one to do it, never be afraid to offer needed help.
Adam Winch
Founder, Defenders USA
